Elizabeth Warren "I said I was Native American only to make friends and meet people"
Hair color…Blond
Eye color… Blue / Green
Skin color … White
Teeth Color … Yellow
Moral color … High Yellow
To you this may just be a hearty, jaw-strengthening meal, but to Todd and me it had all the makings of our great romance, with dessert showing up not quite nine months later.
We met at Alaska Secession War Dance Bingo and Todd asked me out. When he took me for a stroll around his bear traps, I had no idea that on our first dinner date we’d be killing and field dressing the main course. I realized this wasn’t going to be an ordinary night when he told me to wear something brown, stain resistant, and snug enough to fit under a parachute, but us frontier gals are up for anything when it includes a guy with most of his teeth, you betcha. I just ignored all the warning signs that would have scared off some wussy New York 6 o’clock anchorwoman, like the butcher knife, axe, rolls of plastic sheeting and loaded guns.
Then he handed me a rifle, threw me into a helicopter, and took off over a herd of moose. He put his hands on his head, raised his fingers like antlers and faked dying. I nearly fell out of the copter laughing, but before I could blow into Russia, he grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked me back in. It was love at first sighting when I looked down my barrel at the moose and Toddie yelled “Blast his head off, baby!” And you betcha, I did.
My first shot dropped that moose faster than Levi Johnson’s commitment to my daughter. Then Toddie gently laid me on the hot carcass and I puckered up my beauty queen lips. I guess he mistakenly French kissed the moose before he got to me, which made it warm and even sweeter. Yup, I knew my fate was as sealed as an oil slicked polar bear floating on an iceberg. That too short midsummer night, I knew we’d be slaughtering wildlife together for the rest of lives and would pass this love on to our kids, who’d pass it on to their kids, probably a mite sooner than expected.
INGREDIENTS
1 – Large, slow Moose
1 – Helicopter, or small plane, which Todd will rent you for a reasonable price, cash only.
1 – Loaded rifle plus an optional telescopic lens for first timers. The gun and lens can be purchased online without any license or age requirement at www.Sarahpalin.com/moose/fielddressing/familyoutings/firearms
1 – Skilled Alaskan pilot who can keep that copter steady, even when drunk on firewater.
(You don’t want to hit the antlers or ruin the head–a good trophy for the wall over your bed which I can autograph for a small four digit fee).
1 – AK47, when you can’t afford a plane and have to track the moose on foot or by truck. Just fire point blank between the eyes to blow its brains out, which can then be gathered, minced, dried, and used as a seasoning
1- An Exxon retrofitted, gas loving, eighty-five cylinder, eight wheeler truck full of oil from Anwar Province, for transporting even the largest animals to your garage freezer.
1 – Bowie knife, preferably not one given as a wedding gift and personally engraved by Strom Thurmond (You could break the tip skinning the base of the antlers!)
1 – Titanium nail file (see www.Sarahpalin.com/moose/fielddressing/style
1 – Cordless bone saw. Our 20 volt model is strong enough to cut through any old endangered bones
11 ½-32 – Strong teeth for tearing out the innards and bullets, plus a brush to touch up your lipstick in blood shades to give you that hot hockey mom look. See www.Sarahpalin.com/moose/fieldressing/style/stayingsexyoutdoors
1- Lightweight block and tackle for hoisting your kill onto any vehicle. Purchase in several seasonal color schemes to match your Sarah Palin purse. See www.Sarahpalin.com/moose/fielddressing/accessories
4 TB. Salt, Non Kosher ONLY
1 lb. Pepper
2 Gals. “Todd’s Special Secret Moose Sauce” (discounted with a coupon from your friendly oil company).
PREPARATION
Make the hunt a fun family outing by having the youngsters track the dying animal on dog sleds. Sometimes a brain dead moose will just keep on running. Sure reminds me of a certain presidential candidate, but that’s another recipe…for disaster.
Head too damaged to mount? Sever, and bag the antlers (makes a great coat rack). Then, quarter and salt the rest and drag the carcass and into your truck using the Palin block and tackle (when purchased with a Hummer from our website, you’ll receive a 20% discount). Save one quarter of the carcass for the stew. Freeze the other five quarters ithe for winter treats like mooseballs, and I don’t mean their privates, you sleazy late night comics. We only use those for the dogs and religious rituals.
Pepper and salt the sides to disguise that gunpowder aftertaste, especially if you’ve fired hundreds of shots from an automatic weapon into that critter. Stuff the bullet holes with garlic cloves. Use your Pretty Palin nail file to skin the hide off one tenderloin. Then melt endangered blue whale lard (from our website) in a giant skillet, brown the onions just a shade lighter than Obama, add, potatoes, carrots, celery and seal wine, then set aside. In a plastic bag (recycled from our Alaskan land fills), flour the chunks, frying till tender enough for even ol’ Senator Byrd to chew, mixed in with the vegetables. Finally, add “Todd’s Special Secret Moose Sauce.” Cover and stew for twenty minutes. This will feed a family for days after their unemployment runs out. (wink)
Alaskan winter nights last 18 hours (which Todd and I will never let Bristol use as an excuse again), and there’s nothing better to mukluk your toes than the thick skin of a moose! It’s the perfect darn meal for Republican families with stomachs as stubborn as their values. You betcha!
THEN TELLS THE REV ” YOUR PROBLEM IS YOU TELL THE TRUTH”
THEN FIRST MORON LADY CALLS OPRAH FAT
Bush and several of his administration now stand convicted of War Crimes. This conviction is going to the UN Security Council and the UN General Assembly.
The USA must NOT use its powers to shield these convicted criminals from justice.
According to WFTV, an affliate of ABC in Orlando, Zimmerman may soon be charged with a hate crime by the FBI.
WFTV has learned charges against George Zimmerman could be getting more serious. State prosecutors said Zimmerman, a neighborhood watchman, profiled and stalked 17-year-old Trayvon Martin before killing him, so the FBI is now looking into charging him with a hate crime. [...]
FBI investigators are actively questioning witnesses in the retreat at the Twin Lakes neighborhood, seeking evidence for a possible federal hate crime charge.
WFTV notes that “if Zimmerman is charged and found guilty of a federal hate crime involving murder, he could face the death penalty.”
Mississippi state Rep. Bubba Carpenter (R) said that it’s OK for women to have coat hanger abortions because it’s for a greater good.
A video obtained by Rachel Maddow’s blog captures Carpenter saying he is proud of Mississippi’s attempts to outlaw abortion outright, despite the fact that the Supreme Court has ruled abortions legal in the United States.
And what about women who will perform self-induced abortions because they cannot afford to go out of state to get the procedure? “Hey,” he says, “you have to have moral values”:
Denial is a conservative’s friend. As it denies the war it is waging on women, the same is true about the GOP’s war on the LGBT Community. The war is on multiple fronts from spending millions to defend the so called Defense of Marriage act, to Mitt Romney’s promise to reinstate DADT and comparable policies at the state level. Most recently, right wing homophobes aligned with Neo Nazis to make Amendment 1 law in the state of North Carolina.
Conservatives managed to garner enough support for this measure with a little help from the Neo Nazi group, World Wide White Pride which supported the measure in the name of preserving the caucasion race. That’s exactly the argument Jodie Brunstetter, wife of State Senator Peter Brunsletter used when justifying her support for the measure.
n fact, according to the Huffington Post, Mrs. Brunstetter said
The reason my husband wrote Amendment 1 was because the Caucasian race is diminishing and we need to uh, reproduce.
To be sure, Mrs. Brunstetter’s comment makes you want to take a shower. There are more comments and actions by conservatives that have a similar effect.
There was the time audience members booed a gay soldier during a candidates debate.
In response to a question about DADT (and waiting until the audience stopped booing the man who asked it) former Presidential candidate, Rick Santorum had this to say:
I would say, any type of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military,” he said. “And the fact that they’re making a point to include it as a provision within the military that we are going to recognize a group of people and give them a special privilege to — to — and removing “don’t ask/don’t tell” I think tries to inject social policy into the military. And the military’s job is to do one thing, and that is to defend our country.
Then there’s pray the gay away Michelle Bachmann. She explains how same sex couples can get married. Courtesy of the Washington Post:
“They can get married,” Bachmann responded, “but they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.”
Then there is Dominic Dieter, the “screw your daughter straight guy” who later made one of those “if anyone was offended apologies.
Aside from the homophobic statements, Conservatives oppose anti bullying legislature because such laws would somehow impose the so called homosexual agenda in the schools. Seriously.
As the boycott costs Rush Limbaugh’s empire millions, the host claimed that the Sandra Fluke controversy was contrived by Obama to make women miserable.
Limbaugh’s latest attempt to explain away the advertisers who left and never returned to his show was based around a flawed poll that only the right is giving much credence to that shows Romney in a statistical tie with Obama. (It’s a statistical tie, because the poll had Romney up by three points, but the margin of error was four points). For some interesting insight on why polling samples may be leaning more right, check out the results of a new Pew study which found that participation in telephone polling has dropped from 37% of those called by pollsters to 9%). In short, not as many people are participating in polls.
Limbaugh is parasitically attaching himself to the CBS/New York Times poll that came up with some odd numbers in order to explain away the boycott against him. In Rush Land there is no such thing as the war on women. In fact, women are pleased as punch by the right wing movement to take away their ability to make their own healthcare decisions.
The war on women was all a giant plot by Obama and the Democrats to trick women into thinking that they were unhappy so that they would vote to reelect the president. Rush’s theory completely falls apart scrutinized by nothing more than common sense, which tells us that it isn’t the Democrats who support transvaginal ultrasounds, and are trying to deny women preventive healthcare screenings, contraception, and access to abortions. How is it that Democrats created an imaginary war on women based on laws that the Republican Party actually passed?
Limbaugh’s desperation knows no limits. Not only has the boycott worked, it has also cost radio stations who run his show millions. Limbaugh has tried a PR firm for damage control, blaming Obama, and creating a Facebook page to show how much women support him, but still the advertisers aren’t coming back.
Rush can believe in his heart that the Sandra Fluke controversy was contrived, but it was born out of his own comments. Limbaugh is still making excuses and refusing to take responsibility for what he has done. Even losing millions of dollars can’t teach man-child Rush Limbaugh his lesson. Rush can make all the excuses that he wants, but his business partners’ wallets are reaping what his mouth sowed.
The war on women is as real as the millions missing from Cumulus Media’s bottom line, and there is no gimmick that can make Rush’s former advertisers come home.
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